My Confession

Lord , forgive me for doubting that you ever existed.

For when I was outside of you, I thought I was satisfied knowing that I loved someone and they loved me back. Without you, that "love" fades, and either one or both lovers will let each other down. For there is no Love without you at the center.

For when I was outside of you, I thought I was happy with my travelling, drinking, eating good food, and socializing. But that happiness is fleeting. I would feel alone. The laughter from the night before never lasted.

For when I was outside of you, I thought I was a good person. Did I ever help those in need, the poor, prisoners, and the sick? I never had the desire. Did I lovingly do the things, however small, my parents asked? Did I ever have the desire to transform myself into a perfect person? To transform myself and in the process change others that desperately need your Love. To become a beacon of your light, of your glory, even if it was just a small candlelight flicker. For the tiniest amount of you is enough to extinguish an infinite darkness.

For when I was outside of you, I thought it was enough to just do good things. Did I investigate what good things were, did I hold myself to a standard? No, instead I stagnated and worse, the morals I did have eroded over the years. I became infected by the idea of the subjective truth, in which every society creates their own truth.

For when I was outside of you, I thought I did not need to go to Mass. If you existed, then I reasoned, you are everywhere so I could access you anytime. But how many times did I thank you, did I tell you that I Loved you? Months would pass without me thinking of you, my beloved creator, except when I was in need.

Lord, I thank you, that you rescued me from unbelief. You gave me an unbreakable purpose. A desire to always be aligned with your will, the One Will. As long as I maintain that path, only Love can come from me.

Lord, I thank you, for understanding that we deviate from your One Will, for our selfish wants even though we know of the One Will. This is a mystery of life, that you created us with this choice, but the rewards of making the right choice are an eternal blessing.

Lord, I thank you for having patience with me. I am only a baby lamb, but with each day that passes I learn more about you.

Lord, I thank you for forgiving me when I falter, so long as I forgive others when they offend me.

Lord, I thank you for the people you have put into my life. They are a blessing and a gift from you. From my wife and family to all of my friends.

Lord, I Love you.