This is the story of how I transitioned from being an atheist to a believer in God. This is only a small, but important piece of the whole conversion process. And this is in no way a proof that God exists.
When I was 20 years old, I was confirmed into the Catholic Church by arch-bishop of Boston, Sean O'Malley. But let us go back two more years. When I was a wide-eyed and bushy tailed freshman (i.e., just 18 years old) at MIT. Let us remember that I was an atheist at this point. Before the end of the first semester of college, I had my first girlfriend. Having this woman as my girlfriend gave me a strong feeling of happiness that my being fed from. My being selfishly desired to be with this woman because she made me feel good. This feeling that I am referring to is an infatuation that is commonly called "being in love". As CS Lewis points out, you can be driven to true Love by being in love, but "being in love" is still a fleeting feeling. I did not have the vaguest idea of the bold Love that our Lord Jesus Christ talked about. The selfless Christian Love.
Not surprisingly, at the start of my junior year, the relationship ended. And guess what? It was not me that wanted it to end. Like many people that do not have God in the center of their lives, I placed that relationship as the center of my life. This is a warming to all, do not place anything at the center of your life that can be taken away, such as a relationship with a human or your success in life. Because these other things will be taken away from you, whether abruptly or slowly, and you will be left shaken to the core when they are gone1.
So there I was, a 20 year old junior, shaken to the core. The relationship I put at the center of my universe was gone. Naturally, there was an emptiness and pain, feelings that nearly all of the people in this world have felt when they suffer a break up with someone that they still "loved"2. Feelings that do not feel like they will ever go away unless the lost relationship is restored. I was wrong in thinking that! How ironic that I was in an emotional prison through my selfish definition of love, yet it was not until I truly loved with the Christian love that I was set free. Real love led me to will good on this woman; accepting that it would most certainly be without me as her husband. While my soul lived through this epiphany, I would not understand it nor be able to articulate it until much later at the age of 26.
But before I could love as Christ taught us and be set free from my emotional prison, there was my friend Genevieve. In Genevieve, I saw a joy. A joy that I longed for. She explained to me that there was the fleeting happiness of this world. And that there was an eternal joy of having a relationship with God. My soul tickled as it heard those beautiful words. A joy that no matter what happens to you in this world, you will always have it, because nothing can take away God's love for you nor your love of God. Genevieve knew I was an atheist. She asked me the question that changed my life forever, "Have you ever asked God to reveal himself to you?" I answered, "No". What I had previously done, multiple times, was to demand that God show himself to me.
So I prayed with an open heart. I asked God, if he would reveal himself to me. I had been advised to watch out for the "ordinary" parts of my life, because God would answer me through there. The next day I was walking by the Barnes and Noble's at the Prudential Center and I decided to go in. My subconscious led me to the spirituality section and my eyes were drawn to a Sylvia Browne book, "Prophecy: What the Future Holds For You". I bought the book and started to read it.
You might think that for me, a Catholic, it is odd that a book by someone that believes that all religions are correct and that there is another female God equal to the Father would draw me closer to God. You are right and I do not endorse that book. But at this time in my spiritual adolescence, I could not understand the mystery of Jesus3, because I was not even convinced of the supernatural world nor a God. God took the one area where he knew I had lingering beliefs in the supernatural and used that opening to convince me that there is a supernatural world and furthermore there is a God4. Your journey will be different than mine, as I do not expect people will come to know God by the same books that I read, especially a Sylvia Browne book. Let me be clear, there is only one path we are all trying to get on, which is to be aligned with the will of God. However, there are some beginner basics. Ask God to help you see him and pay close attention to the ordinary parts of your life. Something out of the ordinary will resonate with your soul to let you know that you are heading in the right direction.
Shortly, after I had that fateful talk with Genevieve, I decided to take the student-sponsored non-denominational Christian course, called "Alpha" and decided to start my confirmation classes for the Catholic Church.
How I wish I could tell you that I was a great person after that. Alas, that was not the case, however, my confirmation was a start on a long and arduous journey that needed to be taken. Unfortunately, I would need to fall harder to believe with all my heart and soul, but that does not need to be your fate.
1God is the great I AM, the sole unshakable absolute Truth. He is Love.
2Or so I thought that I "loved", more on this.
3Reason alone can lead us to God, but to believe in Jesus, you need divine intervention, which will be given to you only if you pray for it.
4There was one part in particular in the the Sylvia Browne book where my soul tickled, it was when she mentioned that at the end of the our lives we would go over them, almost like watching a movie. The after death movie idea resonated with my soul, because I always had a suspicion about that. Reading my unique suspicions from the words of another validated that thought to me, and I assumed it as truth. But for me to assume it as truth, I had to believe that our lives do not end once our physical bodies die. I had to believe in the idea of the soul, which I did.
Friday, June 7, 2013
Saturday, December 1, 2012
My Confession
Lord , forgive me for doubting that you ever existed.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I was satisfied knowing that I loved someone and they loved me back. Without you, that "love" fades, and either one or both lovers will let each other down. For there is no Love without you at the center.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I was happy with my travelling, drinking, eating good food, and socializing. But that happiness is fleeting. I would feel alone. The laughter from the night before never lasted.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I was a good person. Did I ever help those in need, the poor, prisoners, and the sick? I never had the desire. Did I lovingly do the things, however small, my parents asked? Did I ever have the desire to transform myself into a perfect person? To transform myself and in the process change others that desperately need your Love. To become a beacon of your light, of your glory, even if it was just a small candlelight flicker. For the tiniest amount of you is enough to extinguish an infinite darkness.
For when I was outside of you, I thought it was enough to just do good things. Did I investigate what good things were, did I hold myself to a standard? No, instead I stagnated and worse, the morals I did have eroded over the years. I became infected by the idea of the subjective truth, in which every society creates their own truth.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I did not need to go to Mass. If you existed, then I reasoned, you are everywhere so I could access you anytime. But how many times did I thank you, did I tell you that I Loved you? Months would pass without me thinking of you, my beloved creator, except when I was in need.
Lord, I thank you, that you rescued me from unbelief. You gave me an unbreakable purpose. A desire to always be aligned with your will, the One Will. As long as I maintain that path, only Love can come from me.
Lord, I thank you, for understanding that we deviate from your One Will, for our selfish wants even though we know of the One Will. This is a mystery of life, that you created us with this choice, but the rewards of making the right choice are an eternal blessing.
Lord, I thank you for having patience with me. I am only a baby lamb, but with each day that passes I learn more about you.
Lord, I thank you for forgiving me when I falter, so long as I forgive others when they offend me.
Lord, I thank you for the people you have put into my life. They are a blessing and a gift from you. From my wife and family to all of my friends.
Lord, I Love you.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I was satisfied knowing that I loved someone and they loved me back. Without you, that "love" fades, and either one or both lovers will let each other down. For there is no Love without you at the center.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I was happy with my travelling, drinking, eating good food, and socializing. But that happiness is fleeting. I would feel alone. The laughter from the night before never lasted.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I was a good person. Did I ever help those in need, the poor, prisoners, and the sick? I never had the desire. Did I lovingly do the things, however small, my parents asked? Did I ever have the desire to transform myself into a perfect person? To transform myself and in the process change others that desperately need your Love. To become a beacon of your light, of your glory, even if it was just a small candlelight flicker. For the tiniest amount of you is enough to extinguish an infinite darkness.
For when I was outside of you, I thought it was enough to just do good things. Did I investigate what good things were, did I hold myself to a standard? No, instead I stagnated and worse, the morals I did have eroded over the years. I became infected by the idea of the subjective truth, in which every society creates their own truth.
For when I was outside of you, I thought I did not need to go to Mass. If you existed, then I reasoned, you are everywhere so I could access you anytime. But how many times did I thank you, did I tell you that I Loved you? Months would pass without me thinking of you, my beloved creator, except when I was in need.
Lord, I thank you, that you rescued me from unbelief. You gave me an unbreakable purpose. A desire to always be aligned with your will, the One Will. As long as I maintain that path, only Love can come from me.
Lord, I thank you, for understanding that we deviate from your One Will, for our selfish wants even though we know of the One Will. This is a mystery of life, that you created us with this choice, but the rewards of making the right choice are an eternal blessing.
Lord, I thank you for having patience with me. I am only a baby lamb, but with each day that passes I learn more about you.
Lord, I thank you for forgiving me when I falter, so long as I forgive others when they offend me.
Lord, I thank you for the people you have put into my life. They are a blessing and a gift from you. From my wife and family to all of my friends.
Lord, I Love you.
Saturday, June 30, 2012
Absolute Truth
When CS Lewis lived he did not have to answer to the late 20th century philosophers like the Frenchman, Michel Foucault. Or else I am confident CS Lewis would have written something against the ideas of Foucault, much like CS Lewis wrote Miracles against the naturalists1.
In The Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis believed that the enemy2 wishes to avoid the intellectual realm in the battle for our souls. Because in the end our Father wins3. That is why the method of the first attack in keeping us from our Father is to make us into materialists. The goal of the enemy is get us away from thinking about existential questions (e.g., Why are we born? What happens after we die?). Instead, we are constantly distracted by the questions of this world (e.g., What will I eat tonight? What updates from friends await me on Facebook? Will Real Madrid win the Champions League?).
If we manage escape the trap of our material thoughts and start to ponder about things such as what created the world? What happens after we die? We will face the next attack from the enemy. The next attack is in the form of naturalism. The naturalists believe that there is no supernatural interaction in our universe. If you are in this stage, I suggest you read Miracles by CS Lewis. The enemy is constantly perverting the Truth, sometimes just barely so that it might seem like the Truth. For if the goal is heaven, he only has to take us a centimeter away and not necessarily make us miss by a mile. In the case of naturalism, the enemy is aiding us to miss by a mile.
If you transcend above the thoughts of how the universe came to be and start to ponder about your purpose in the universe, the enemy will attack you with ideas such as those of the late philosopher Michel Foucault. To simplify the beliefs of Foucault, he did not believe in absolute truth, but only in subjective truth. In other words, each society and time period creates their own version of the truth. Foucault would say nothing meaningful about our purpose here on earth, only that it is different for every society. The consequence of Foucault's view is that without absolute truth there is no absolute right and wrong. The right and wrong would also be decided by each society and time period.
At the age of 20, I took an anthropology class. The teacher introduced the class to Foucault while we were studying about discourse, power, and the self. I thought Foucault's ideas of no absolute truth were wonderful. At the time his ideas were honey to my ears. To me, Foucault explained why Germans in the 1930's could follow a man like Hitler. The power in society (which could be the majority), had always dictated what is wrong and right throughout history. The power in society writes the history books. The absence of absolute truth explained how the views on slavery changed from being something that was justifiable to something that was abhorrent within a couple of decades in the United States. I thought that all of human history, most notably the horrible acts, could be explained by Foucault's idea of the subjective truth each society creates.
However, there is a grave danger to Foucault's idea of the the lack of absolute truth. I know first-hand the damage your soul will take as a result of following the beliefs of Foucault. At 20, when I was introduced to the ideas of Foucault, I was only months removed from my confirmation into the Catholic Church. Already I was being chocked by the weeds of this world, unable to bear good fruit. For the next five years, I believed in the notion of no absolute truth and in the end I was left restless, in pain, and without a sense of purpose.
Without a foundation of absolute truth, your morals denigrate4. You start believing: "This action is not wrong, society only tells me this is wrong. I am going to step out of society and do the action anyways because I want to do it. I know better than society." In the end you do the questionable action. But we are not meant to define right and wrong, that has already been defined to us as part of the Truth that is our Lord. He has implanted us all with a soul (which includes a conscience) that helps us to know when we falter in our path towards him. We can choose to suppress our souls. Deny the existence of our souls. But when we falter, we know, because our souls let us know. We have that pain, that guilt, that restless feeling in our lives. Rich or poor, we lack the permanent joy of being in God. We are left chasing the fleeting happiness of this world (e.g., drugs, sex, partying). When you hit this stage, the pain will be too great to ignore. You can choose to Love God or wither away indulging yourself in the fleeting and empty happiness of this world. The choice has always been yours.
God did not make the choice difficult for us. We made the choice difficult for ourselves. The Lord has always been searching for you. You might not have had the best parents, but God always sent his agents towards you. Best of all he gave you a part of him in your soul. It might take years, like me, to fully believe. Be patient, the first step is to decide to want to be better.
1. See the definition of naturalist, here.
2. The enemy = the great deceiver and fallen angel, Lucifer.
3. If you seek the Truth, it will be revealed to you. The path is "long and arduous", but worth every second and drop of sweat. Go beyond the superficial, seek the Truth everyday of your life.
4. Take Foucault as an example of denigrated morals. Foucault was a supporter of man-boy relationships. He signed a petition sent to the French Parliament in 1967 to decriminalize consensual sexual relations between adults and minors under 15.
In The Screwtape Letters, CS Lewis believed that the enemy2 wishes to avoid the intellectual realm in the battle for our souls. Because in the end our Father wins3. That is why the method of the first attack in keeping us from our Father is to make us into materialists. The goal of the enemy is get us away from thinking about existential questions (e.g., Why are we born? What happens after we die?). Instead, we are constantly distracted by the questions of this world (e.g., What will I eat tonight? What updates from friends await me on Facebook? Will Real Madrid win the Champions League?).
If we manage escape the trap of our material thoughts and start to ponder about things such as what created the world? What happens after we die? We will face the next attack from the enemy. The next attack is in the form of naturalism. The naturalists believe that there is no supernatural interaction in our universe. If you are in this stage, I suggest you read Miracles by CS Lewis. The enemy is constantly perverting the Truth, sometimes just barely so that it might seem like the Truth. For if the goal is heaven, he only has to take us a centimeter away and not necessarily make us miss by a mile. In the case of naturalism, the enemy is aiding us to miss by a mile.
If you transcend above the thoughts of how the universe came to be and start to ponder about your purpose in the universe, the enemy will attack you with ideas such as those of the late philosopher Michel Foucault. To simplify the beliefs of Foucault, he did not believe in absolute truth, but only in subjective truth. In other words, each society and time period creates their own version of the truth. Foucault would say nothing meaningful about our purpose here on earth, only that it is different for every society. The consequence of Foucault's view is that without absolute truth there is no absolute right and wrong. The right and wrong would also be decided by each society and time period.
At the age of 20, I took an anthropology class. The teacher introduced the class to Foucault while we were studying about discourse, power, and the self. I thought Foucault's ideas of no absolute truth were wonderful. At the time his ideas were honey to my ears. To me, Foucault explained why Germans in the 1930's could follow a man like Hitler. The power in society (which could be the majority), had always dictated what is wrong and right throughout history. The power in society writes the history books. The absence of absolute truth explained how the views on slavery changed from being something that was justifiable to something that was abhorrent within a couple of decades in the United States. I thought that all of human history, most notably the horrible acts, could be explained by Foucault's idea of the subjective truth each society creates.
However, there is a grave danger to Foucault's idea of the the lack of absolute truth. I know first-hand the damage your soul will take as a result of following the beliefs of Foucault. At 20, when I was introduced to the ideas of Foucault, I was only months removed from my confirmation into the Catholic Church. Already I was being chocked by the weeds of this world, unable to bear good fruit. For the next five years, I believed in the notion of no absolute truth and in the end I was left restless, in pain, and without a sense of purpose.
Without a foundation of absolute truth, your morals denigrate4. You start believing: "This action is not wrong, society only tells me this is wrong. I am going to step out of society and do the action anyways because I want to do it. I know better than society." In the end you do the questionable action. But we are not meant to define right and wrong, that has already been defined to us as part of the Truth that is our Lord. He has implanted us all with a soul (which includes a conscience) that helps us to know when we falter in our path towards him. We can choose to suppress our souls. Deny the existence of our souls. But when we falter, we know, because our souls let us know. We have that pain, that guilt, that restless feeling in our lives. Rich or poor, we lack the permanent joy of being in God. We are left chasing the fleeting happiness of this world (e.g., drugs, sex, partying). When you hit this stage, the pain will be too great to ignore. You can choose to Love God or wither away indulging yourself in the fleeting and empty happiness of this world. The choice has always been yours.
God did not make the choice difficult for us. We made the choice difficult for ourselves. The Lord has always been searching for you. You might not have had the best parents, but God always sent his agents towards you. Best of all he gave you a part of him in your soul. It might take years, like me, to fully believe. Be patient, the first step is to decide to want to be better.
1. See the definition of naturalist, here.
2. The enemy = the great deceiver and fallen angel, Lucifer.
3. If you seek the Truth, it will be revealed to you. The path is "long and arduous", but worth every second and drop of sweat. Go beyond the superficial, seek the Truth everyday of your life.
4. Take Foucault as an example of denigrated morals. Foucault was a supporter of man-boy relationships. He signed a petition sent to the French Parliament in 1967 to decriminalize consensual sexual relations between adults and minors under 15.
Friday, June 15, 2012
My Story, Part I: Questions and Atheism
The purpose of this blog is ambitious, which is to answer the question of "Why are we born?". The purpose of this blog entry or any titled "My Story" is to give you a picture on how I came to Love God. Please know that there is only one path, but all journeys are different. As Father Matt told me, a book that speaks to our soul might not resonate for someone else (i.e., Confessions by Saint Augustine). The books that speak to you are all part of your unique journey. What is not unique is that in order walk the path, the desire to walk the path is necessary. The path will also undoubtedly begin because of a pain. Remember that God wants you to look for him no matter what, so do not feel ashamed that you only seek him when you are in need.
Here is my journey and path. I was born Enrique Esparza Quezada on September 11, 1984 in Mexico City. My childhood in Mexico was cut short as my family moved to Los Angeles when I was four. Except for four years of studying at MIT in the Boston area, I have spent the rest of my life in Los Angeles.
As most Mexican families, my family is Catholic. Growing up, my family would go to Mass every Sunday. In my adolescence, I viewed Mass1 as a chore, although I never questioned God. I knew God was real. It is amazing how in our early years, we have the gift of Faith, we simply believe. We have not become corrupted by the lies of selfish wills2.
At age 14, when I started high school, a lot changed. Because of my inquisitive nature I began to doubt that God existed. Everything I "saw" could be explained by science. My scientific reasoning slowly gave way to the doubting of God. Doubt turned to blindness and cynicism. Cynicism and blindness turned to arrogance and bitterness towards God and especially "religion".
I questioned how people could benefit from religion if "religious" people committed horrible acts. The Bible was used to justify atrocities such as the conquest of the Americas and slavery. I saw Christianity used by the Ku Klux Klan. I believed that God cannot be real if people who call themselves Christians do horrible things. I struggled with how God could allow so many religions? Specifically, I was asking why there are so many Christian denominations? Which one is right? Can there be only one right denomination? In high school I had a Protestant Christian3 friend, another Mormon4 "Christian" friend, and lastly a Unificationist5 "Christian" friend. All four of us, like drones, belonged to the denomination of our parents. I thought, was I Catholic only because I was raised that way?
I began to try and read the Bible. Not knowing anything about the structure, I started with the first Book, Genesis. It did not take long before I got upset. In my imperfect nature, I tried to fit God into what he should be, without even knowing him. In the story of the Fall of Man, I thought how wrong of God to punish all women and make them subservient to man because of what Eve did. I thought it was wrong how God punished all men because Adam also ate from the Apple. In the story of Cain and Abel, I also thought it was wrong of God to punish Cain's descendants just because of Cain. What wrong had they done? I questioned how could people live so long. I questioned the early patriarchs such as Noah, being drunk then naked, then cursing his son Ham and his descendants because Ham was ashamed of his father. Abraham casually sleeping with his servant because his wife, Sarah, could not bear him children. Abraham was willing to kill his own son. Jacob had multiple wives and stole his brother's blessing. These were the patriarchs, the men who were entrusted with the promises of God? They seemed like great sinners to me.
What about other religions that are no longer with us like the Greek Gods? Did not their people believe as fervently in those Gods? What makes us different?
My questions only grew. If there is a God, why is there evil? Why do religions start wars? Are they true if they lead others to violence? Is it not better then not have any religions?
What happens if you do not believe in Jesus? Do you go to hell? What kind of God condemns people to hell for not believing in some person that lived thousands of years ago? What about if you never got to hear about God or Jesus, like the Native Americans before the Europeans brought Christianity (sometimes with the sword)?
For several years, up until I was 20, I fluctuated between atheist and deist. By a deist I mean someone that believes that there was a creator of the universe, but that entity just let the world run itself without interfering in it.
And that mentality is where I was stuck until I was twenty years old. So if you have any of the above reservations, I invite you to please read the rest of my story. I still have more questions, but none that make me doubt in the existence of God. The path, as St. Augustine would say, is long and arduous.
1Mass is the official name for the Church service in the Roman Catholic Rite.
2All wills that diverge from the One Will are selfish and thus can only lead to sin. Our reason helps us understand the One Will. Our nature (e.g.,desires of the flesh) works against the One Will to be selfish and sin.
3Presbeteryan
4Mormoms
5Unificanionist, also known as as "Moonies".
Here is my journey and path. I was born Enrique Esparza Quezada on September 11, 1984 in Mexico City. My childhood in Mexico was cut short as my family moved to Los Angeles when I was four. Except for four years of studying at MIT in the Boston area, I have spent the rest of my life in Los Angeles.
As most Mexican families, my family is Catholic. Growing up, my family would go to Mass every Sunday. In my adolescence, I viewed Mass1 as a chore, although I never questioned God. I knew God was real. It is amazing how in our early years, we have the gift of Faith, we simply believe. We have not become corrupted by the lies of selfish wills2.
At age 14, when I started high school, a lot changed. Because of my inquisitive nature I began to doubt that God existed. Everything I "saw" could be explained by science. My scientific reasoning slowly gave way to the doubting of God. Doubt turned to blindness and cynicism. Cynicism and blindness turned to arrogance and bitterness towards God and especially "religion".
I questioned how people could benefit from religion if "religious" people committed horrible acts. The Bible was used to justify atrocities such as the conquest of the Americas and slavery. I saw Christianity used by the Ku Klux Klan. I believed that God cannot be real if people who call themselves Christians do horrible things. I struggled with how God could allow so many religions? Specifically, I was asking why there are so many Christian denominations? Which one is right? Can there be only one right denomination? In high school I had a Protestant Christian3 friend, another Mormon4 "Christian" friend, and lastly a Unificationist5 "Christian" friend. All four of us, like drones, belonged to the denomination of our parents. I thought, was I Catholic only because I was raised that way?
I began to try and read the Bible. Not knowing anything about the structure, I started with the first Book, Genesis. It did not take long before I got upset. In my imperfect nature, I tried to fit God into what he should be, without even knowing him. In the story of the Fall of Man, I thought how wrong of God to punish all women and make them subservient to man because of what Eve did. I thought it was wrong how God punished all men because Adam also ate from the Apple. In the story of Cain and Abel, I also thought it was wrong of God to punish Cain's descendants just because of Cain. What wrong had they done? I questioned how could people live so long. I questioned the early patriarchs such as Noah, being drunk then naked, then cursing his son Ham and his descendants because Ham was ashamed of his father. Abraham casually sleeping with his servant because his wife, Sarah, could not bear him children. Abraham was willing to kill his own son. Jacob had multiple wives and stole his brother's blessing. These were the patriarchs, the men who were entrusted with the promises of God? They seemed like great sinners to me.
What about other religions that are no longer with us like the Greek Gods? Did not their people believe as fervently in those Gods? What makes us different?
My questions only grew. If there is a God, why is there evil? Why do religions start wars? Are they true if they lead others to violence? Is it not better then not have any religions?
What happens if you do not believe in Jesus? Do you go to hell? What kind of God condemns people to hell for not believing in some person that lived thousands of years ago? What about if you never got to hear about God or Jesus, like the Native Americans before the Europeans brought Christianity (sometimes with the sword)?
For several years, up until I was 20, I fluctuated between atheist and deist. By a deist I mean someone that believes that there was a creator of the universe, but that entity just let the world run itself without interfering in it.
And that mentality is where I was stuck until I was twenty years old. So if you have any of the above reservations, I invite you to please read the rest of my story. I still have more questions, but none that make me doubt in the existence of God. The path, as St. Augustine would say, is long and arduous.
1Mass is the official name for the Church service in the Roman Catholic Rite.
2All wills that diverge from the One Will are selfish and thus can only lead to sin. Our reason helps us understand the One Will. Our nature (e.g.,desires of the flesh) works against the One Will to be selfish and sin.
3Presbeteryan
4Mormoms
5Unificanionist, also known as as "Moonies".
Friday, January 13, 2012
The Great Sin of Suicide
Humans have a dominant instinct to survive. While we cannot help others wanting to hurt us, we can choose not to kill ourselves. We were never meant to kill ourselves.
Understandably, there are times when one is in great pain or will be in great pain, and suicide will seem to "eradicate" that pain. Such can be the case for someone going through problems at home (i.e., drugs, divorce, sexual molestation), financial hardships (i.e., loss of a job, loss of savings, debt), health (i.e., depression, "imperfect" body, bone/joint pain, cancer), and feeling out of God's grace (i.e., Judas). The reasons for the pain that can lead one to commit suicide are almost limitless.
In many cases suicide seems easy for us to recognize. If someone shot themselves on purpose to end their lives, we would agree that they committed suicide. However, what if this person was under the influence of alcohol or some other substance? As someone who has had their fair share of alcoholic drinks, I know that with enough drinks you are not yourself. During excessive drinking, you lose your conscience, which is a part of your soul. Sometimes the aftermath of drinking in excess is a couple of bruises from a scuffle with friends. However, another time you might wake up in jail after you crashed your car and killed someone because you ran a red light. The sin of drinking in excess is large, but it is not suicide and it is not murder.*
When you commit suicide you are committing murder against your own body, without the chance of repentance. Our bodies are not our own, they are a gift from God. All sins can be forgiven by God, but if you commit suicide you are dying in a state out of the grace of God. While I do not believe people that commit suicide are guaranteed "hell"**, committing suicide is not a good way to enter the next phase of your life. If you know the Truth about God, you will never commit suicide. God loves us no matter what we have done, he forgives us all. If you are reading this and thinking you are alone, do not feel hopeless. Seek someone out who is close to God. Humble yourselves to the will of God. I urge you to let go of your pride, there is only one will. Pray to God, he will take your pain away. The instructions for forgiveness are simple, love God above all else, and love your neighbor as yourself. Part of this application is in the "Our Father" prayer, we must forgive our neighbors, if we want God to forgive us.
Most of us stumble throughout this life without thinking of the afterlife, because our lives here on Earth are "good". I understand that, I was one of those people. What happens when everything you have ever believed in falls apart? The secular views of "just be a good person" or " live to enjoy life" cannot help you. In fact, it is those views that sooner or later, will make your soul feel restless. You will feel hopeless and in pain. Know that there is hope in God. Know that pain is a good opportunity to meet God. Do not feel ashamed that you only talk to God when you are in need. He is always hoping you will find him.
However, there are forces at work, that want to keep you away from God's Love. They can give you an unnatural desire to end your life when your soul is weak. Recognize these forces for what they are. These forces would like nothing more than to send you into the next phase of your life in a hopeless state. When you are depressed, do not look for secular answers, turn to God, every other option cannot cure us because these other forces are strong. Let go of your pride and let go of your vision of what God should be. Humble yourselves to the will of God, pray for his Love. Feel his Love.
The Son of Man had two disciples that betrayed him, Judas and Peter. Judas in his shame, perceived himself outside of God's grace, gave in to the unnatural desire and killed himself. Peter turned his shame into genuine remorse. He repented. Peter became the first bishop of Rome. Peter, which means rock, is the foundation upon which the Church*** was built on.
*I hope people can take away not only what happens to the soul of the person in jail for a DUI manslaughter, but what happens to your soul if you drove home in a drunken stupor and nobody got physically hurt. You have committed the same sin as the person that unfortunately crashed their car and took the lives of others. In the justice of God you have both been found guilty of the same sin of drinking in excess. Drinking in excess is a grave sin because of the individual decision to suppress the soul.
**Hell is not a place with fire and physical pain. Hell is being out of God's love. For a good idea of what Heaven and Hell might be like, read "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis.
***Not just the Catholic Church, but the entire Christian Community.
Understandably, there are times when one is in great pain or will be in great pain, and suicide will seem to "eradicate" that pain. Such can be the case for someone going through problems at home (i.e., drugs, divorce, sexual molestation), financial hardships (i.e., loss of a job, loss of savings, debt), health (i.e., depression, "imperfect" body, bone/joint pain, cancer), and feeling out of God's grace (i.e., Judas). The reasons for the pain that can lead one to commit suicide are almost limitless.
In many cases suicide seems easy for us to recognize. If someone shot themselves on purpose to end their lives, we would agree that they committed suicide. However, what if this person was under the influence of alcohol or some other substance? As someone who has had their fair share of alcoholic drinks, I know that with enough drinks you are not yourself. During excessive drinking, you lose your conscience, which is a part of your soul. Sometimes the aftermath of drinking in excess is a couple of bruises from a scuffle with friends. However, another time you might wake up in jail after you crashed your car and killed someone because you ran a red light. The sin of drinking in excess is large, but it is not suicide and it is not murder.*
When you commit suicide you are committing murder against your own body, without the chance of repentance. Our bodies are not our own, they are a gift from God. All sins can be forgiven by God, but if you commit suicide you are dying in a state out of the grace of God. While I do not believe people that commit suicide are guaranteed "hell"**, committing suicide is not a good way to enter the next phase of your life. If you know the Truth about God, you will never commit suicide. God loves us no matter what we have done, he forgives us all. If you are reading this and thinking you are alone, do not feel hopeless. Seek someone out who is close to God. Humble yourselves to the will of God. I urge you to let go of your pride, there is only one will. Pray to God, he will take your pain away. The instructions for forgiveness are simple, love God above all else, and love your neighbor as yourself. Part of this application is in the "Our Father" prayer, we must forgive our neighbors, if we want God to forgive us.
Most of us stumble throughout this life without thinking of the afterlife, because our lives here on Earth are "good". I understand that, I was one of those people. What happens when everything you have ever believed in falls apart? The secular views of "just be a good person" or " live to enjoy life" cannot help you. In fact, it is those views that sooner or later, will make your soul feel restless. You will feel hopeless and in pain. Know that there is hope in God. Know that pain is a good opportunity to meet God. Do not feel ashamed that you only talk to God when you are in need. He is always hoping you will find him.
However, there are forces at work, that want to keep you away from God's Love. They can give you an unnatural desire to end your life when your soul is weak. Recognize these forces for what they are. These forces would like nothing more than to send you into the next phase of your life in a hopeless state. When you are depressed, do not look for secular answers, turn to God, every other option cannot cure us because these other forces are strong. Let go of your pride and let go of your vision of what God should be. Humble yourselves to the will of God, pray for his Love. Feel his Love.
The Son of Man had two disciples that betrayed him, Judas and Peter. Judas in his shame, perceived himself outside of God's grace, gave in to the unnatural desire and killed himself. Peter turned his shame into genuine remorse. He repented. Peter became the first bishop of Rome. Peter, which means rock, is the foundation upon which the Church*** was built on.
*I hope people can take away not only what happens to the soul of the person in jail for a DUI manslaughter, but what happens to your soul if you drove home in a drunken stupor and nobody got physically hurt. You have committed the same sin as the person that unfortunately crashed their car and took the lives of others. In the justice of God you have both been found guilty of the same sin of drinking in excess. Drinking in excess is a grave sin because of the individual decision to suppress the soul.
**Hell is not a place with fire and physical pain. Hell is being out of God's love. For a good idea of what Heaven and Hell might be like, read "The Great Divorce" by C.S. Lewis.
***Not just the Catholic Church, but the entire Christian Community.
Monday, November 14, 2011
The Essence of Time: Past, Present, and Future
I was raised Catholic, but because of my inquisitive nature, I became an atheist by age of fourteen. I conjured up too many questions that I believed were disproves of God. One such question was, why do Catholics pray for the dead? Are the dead not already judged by God? And if they are waiting to be judged, has not their application for heaven been finalized based on the faith and actions while they were on Earth? What benefit could there be in praying for people after they have died? I had a false arrogance in regards to understanding of the nature of time. I still understand only a fraction of the mystery of time, but this fraction is important to know.
Have you ever thought about time?
Growing up we are taught about the three phases of time: the past, the present, and the future. Inherently, we give equal respect to each of the three. For some, including a younger me, because of the equal respect we conclude that the three phases are equal to each other. If you have not given much thought to time at all, that is how you might think of time, in three equal phases.
As I studied science and mathematics in college, no longer were the past, the present, and the future three equal parts. What we had was the past which was infinitely long, and the present which was a line-with no width- that acted as the instant transition from the past to future, and finally you had the future which was also infinitely long. This understanding is still true, but there is a deeper meaning to time that the knowledge of science and mathematics cannot explain. A deeper meaning that comes from the Wisdom of God.
Thanks to God for allowing St. Augustine and me know part of the Truth of time. To paraphrase St. Augustine, the present has no width. There is no such thing as a present century, decade, year, month, day, hour, minute, second, etc... For even the smallest amount of time conceivable has a portion that is in the past and exactly the rest in the future. For instance, using now as an example, if I say December is the present month, how could it be? If 6.875 days are in the past and 24.125 days are in the future? How can I then say the present is today, December 7, 2011, when 21 hours are in the past and 3 hours are in the future? And this reasoning goes on an infinite amount of times to smaller units of times. The present cannot be captured by any unit of time. With no width, the present "seems" like nothingness.
However, all of existence is lived in the now. The present paradoxically has no width yet is eternal. We must always remember to live in the now. God is the now, that is part of his eternal nature. The past does not exist, neither does the future. According to more of the Wisdom granted to St. Augustine, the past only exists because we bring it to the present through memory. And the future only exists because of our expectations that are brought to the present.
God is the now and there are other forces at work that will try to keep you from living in the present. These forces will try to make us bring the pains of our "past" and the anxieties of our "future" on to the present in order to cloud us from the now. The fulfillment of the Truth is to live in the now and to know that God loves us no matter what we do, and in turn we love him and our neighbors as we love ourselves.
If we love God, pray to him. If you love yourself, pray to God for yourself. If you love your neighbor pray for them, even after they have passed away. The now is infinite, God has heard your prayers even before your dead neighbor was born and those prayers were of great help.
Have you ever thought about time?
Growing up we are taught about the three phases of time: the past, the present, and the future. Inherently, we give equal respect to each of the three. For some, including a younger me, because of the equal respect we conclude that the three phases are equal to each other. If you have not given much thought to time at all, that is how you might think of time, in three equal phases.
As I studied science and mathematics in college, no longer were the past, the present, and the future three equal parts. What we had was the past which was infinitely long, and the present which was a line-with no width- that acted as the instant transition from the past to future, and finally you had the future which was also infinitely long. This understanding is still true, but there is a deeper meaning to time that the knowledge of science and mathematics cannot explain. A deeper meaning that comes from the Wisdom of God.
Thanks to God for allowing St. Augustine and me know part of the Truth of time. To paraphrase St. Augustine, the present has no width. There is no such thing as a present century, decade, year, month, day, hour, minute, second, etc... For even the smallest amount of time conceivable has a portion that is in the past and exactly the rest in the future. For instance, using now as an example, if I say December is the present month, how could it be? If 6.875 days are in the past and 24.125 days are in the future? How can I then say the present is today, December 7, 2011, when 21 hours are in the past and 3 hours are in the future? And this reasoning goes on an infinite amount of times to smaller units of times. The present cannot be captured by any unit of time. With no width, the present "seems" like nothingness.
However, all of existence is lived in the now. The present paradoxically has no width yet is eternal. We must always remember to live in the now. God is the now, that is part of his eternal nature. The past does not exist, neither does the future. According to more of the Wisdom granted to St. Augustine, the past only exists because we bring it to the present through memory. And the future only exists because of our expectations that are brought to the present.
God is the now and there are other forces at work that will try to keep you from living in the present. These forces will try to make us bring the pains of our "past" and the anxieties of our "future" on to the present in order to cloud us from the now. The fulfillment of the Truth is to live in the now and to know that God loves us no matter what we do, and in turn we love him and our neighbors as we love ourselves.
If we love God, pray to him. If you love yourself, pray to God for yourself. If you love your neighbor pray for them, even after they have passed away. The now is infinite, God has heard your prayers even before your dead neighbor was born and those prayers were of great help.
Saturday, September 24, 2011
For Those That Do Not Believe in an Afterlife
We can all agree that we are going to die one day. Each day we live is one day closer to our death. Each decade that we live, we mourn the deaths of our loved ones. Death naturally becomes a topic people shun away from. And because people choose not to think about death, they give very little thought to an afterlife.
Can we then, also agree that there is going to be an afterlife or there is not, once our heart stops beating? Let us assume that we cannot be certain of what happens after we die. If there is no afterlife, will the people that believed that be able to gloat or get any other perceived satisfaction from knowing they were right? No, because if these people are right, we will cease to exist the moment we die. If there is an afterlife, these believers are better off because they are prepared. The people that did not believe in an afterlife will have a hopeless start in the next phase, because there will be consequences for living by the standards of this material world.
Logically, if someone is looking out for their best interests, the choice is to believe in an afterlife. You may ask, "It seems silly for me to believe in an afterlife, because of a fear of Hell*, for if so, then I'm not a believer." The Lord will do whatever it takes to get you onto the right path. He is always chasing you like a hound of heaven, you just have to look for him.
Can people that believe in afterlife still do bad things? Yes. Can people that do not believe in an afterlife still do good things? Yes. But each is better off knowing the Truth.
*Hell is not fire and brimstone. Hell is separation between our soul and God.
Can we then, also agree that there is going to be an afterlife or there is not, once our heart stops beating? Let us assume that we cannot be certain of what happens after we die. If there is no afterlife, will the people that believed that be able to gloat or get any other perceived satisfaction from knowing they were right? No, because if these people are right, we will cease to exist the moment we die. If there is an afterlife, these believers are better off because they are prepared. The people that did not believe in an afterlife will have a hopeless start in the next phase, because there will be consequences for living by the standards of this material world.
Logically, if someone is looking out for their best interests, the choice is to believe in an afterlife. You may ask, "It seems silly for me to believe in an afterlife, because of a fear of Hell*, for if so, then I'm not a believer." The Lord will do whatever it takes to get you onto the right path. He is always chasing you like a hound of heaven, you just have to look for him.
Can people that believe in afterlife still do bad things? Yes. Can people that do not believe in an afterlife still do good things? Yes. But each is better off knowing the Truth.
*Hell is not fire and brimstone. Hell is separation between our soul and God.
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